testing the waters & climbing cringe hill.
4 minute read
That was a hot minute. I realised I couldn’t keep up with what I had intended for this blog space to be. An instagram? Defo not for me. Other than my own, because bloody hell I love sharing things & looking at cool pictures & finding inspo in quotes & watching dog videos & finding inspo in living in an eco friendly way & silly memes & funny videos. Gosh, I miss old instagram. The agenda & the algorithm have spiralled into this gigantic capitalist monster. The engagement needed & the constant content creation is FAR out of my league. I genuinely take my hat off to any creator that needs to use the platform to promote their business, or any one who has the drive to use the space to share passions & interests & advice with the world. It takes time & energy & I see you.
So the instagram has gone. & now I figured I’ll just go back to having a corner of the internet to write about things. Most of these things will still be rooted in psychology & mental health because it’s probably those things I feel most passionately about. But I’m also on a journey to live more sustainably, to immerse myself in the natural world by growing things, to travel around & share beautiful things that I see around the world, to adopt a more yogic lifestyle because by golly nothing has made me more aware of me as a whole, to listen to live music more, to take interest in politics to learn & stand up for social injustices, to cook nutritious foods, to read more books, to be content, to be grateful. Equally, I don’t want this blog to necessarily be about ‘me’. But I also need that creative outlet. I need to test the waters to find the balance. I need to climb up cringe hill & say ‘yeah, I write a blog cause I want to; not because I’m looking for visits or clicks, but literally because I find it cathartic’.
I also have this need to feel useful. & more often than not I feel un-useful. I don’t hugely have any special gifts or talents that I can share with the world. My art is mediocre & that’s probably being generous, my brain is quite slow so I don’t often have intelligence to share as someone has often thought of it before me, I don’t hugely do sports mainly because of my fear of failure. However I’ve realised over time that my empathetic & sensitive nature has made me feel many feels over the course of my life & being able to share & talk about my experience could be useful. That someone could go ‘heck I thought I was the only one but no!’. Cause I’ve definitely experienced that, & I’ve been grateful for people who feel comfortable enough to share their stories & experience. Equally, I admire anyone who doesn’t feel the need to share every piece of themselves with the world. A quiet & private life is my ultimate goal, but I still need to feel useful.
& I just needed to get started. Hence this random open letter to no one in particular but mostly myself. How often will I write? No idea. This could be it for 2023. Maybe I’ll find something that I want to research more or reflect on. One incredibly important lesson I have learned over time is about doing things in my own timing; that I’m only on my own timeline, no one else’s. Saying that, some structure is needed cause I am also the person that leaves stuff for WAY too long, not only because I’m a giant procrastinator, but also because I’m terrified of what people may think. I’m also terrified of failure. I’m terrified of not fitting in. That I’m not good enough. & it’s these limiting beliefs that stop me from more than just typing on a laptop. So sometimes I just need to start, otherwise those limiting beliefs start to become real. Even just writing this open letter has given me topics that I would love to cover & talk about in future posts; timing, fear, fitting in, imposter syndrome, those darned limiting beliefs. Maybe this is your sign to get started on that thing too.
It’s a bit cringe, but f*ck it I’m climbing that hill.
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